YOU TURN
WHEN GOING BACK TO NORMAL DOESN’T FEEL NORMAL
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By TASLIM JAFFER-MURJI
We have spent the better part of this year in anticipation of the moment when our lives can begin to return to normal.
However, as we inch closer to this reality, something doesn’t feel quite right. There may be some anxiety about picking up where we left off and integrating back into our physical work/school environments and social lives. Some may feel a sense of guilt even thinking about post-pandemic recovery, knowing that millions around the world are still suffering in the throes of the pandemic. As we move onto the next chapter by coming out of lockdown and reopening our economy, many of us will experience at least some degree of re-entry anxiety.
Q: Is there such a thing as “normal” after the pandemic?
There’s no denying that COVID-19 changed our lives drastically. We had to adapt and even “rebrand” the reality we found ourselves in and call it “the new normal”.
Going to our offices, schools, places of worship – that we once took for granted – has been out of reach and exchanged with less personal and remote replacements. We digitalized our relationships, attended virtual celebrations, and had to grieve and mourn the loss of our dear loved ones through a screen. It’s been so long since we have familiarly interacted with the world, and maybe we feel a bit out of practice. So how do we bounce back?
It is important to recognize that we have experienced varying degrees of stress during the pandemic. Some mental health advocates have described it as a mass trauma. Life as we knew it was ripped away, and even though we are on the verge of getting our lives back, it can feel uncomfortable and maybe even scary knowing that what lies ahead may not look exactly like what it once was.
Perhaps on some level, we realize that we may need to redefine what is “normal” once again.
Q: What is re-entry anxiety?
‘Re-entry syndrome’ was identified in the early ’60s by American psychologists John and Jeanne Gullahorn. They explained the temporary psychological stages people go through when returning to what was once familiar after an extended leave. For decades, this characterization of distress was exclusively reserved for soldiers, aid workers, and former inmates. However, as we collectively prepare to re-enter a post-COVID world, there is a shared sense of anticipation and anxiety for what is yet to come. It may be helpful for us to realize that many of us have experienced some degree of re-entry anxiety in the past, albeit on a different scale – perhaps when returning to work after a lengthy vacation or going back home after some time studying abroad. It only makes sense that it takes us some time to adapt, reorganize, and reset when going from one environment that has become familiar to adjusting to another.
Q: How do I manage my re-entry anxiety?
Edwyn*, who works in a call centre environment, shares concerns about returning to a physical work-space in the coming weeks. He is worried that some of his colleagues may have chosen not to get vaccinated, potentially putting his young children at risk. Edwyn recognizes that he’s been drinking more lately and says that it helps him “numb out” when he has disturbing thoughts about returning to work from the office.
I begin to support Edwyn by normalizing his distress. He is relieved to know that many people share a sense of worry and dread of going back to working in person. I suggest that he keep a thought record to help examine the negative thoughts that activate his fears of re-entry.
Once he identifies these thoughts, we look at the accuracy of these thoughts and challenge what is unfounded. Edwyn notices a shift in how he feels once his distorted perspective is replaced with a more accurate view.
We explore Edwyn’s use of alcohol to avoid the unpleasant feelings of fear and worry. Some of the worst triggers for anxiety are thinking ahead to the future and wondering, “what if”. Starting with a mindfulness approach, Edwyn learns to take a moment of pause and recognize the sensations of fear in his body. Being present to both pleasant and unpleasant sensations allows Edwyn a chance to expand his window of tolerance and open up to new ways of responding.
Edwyn decided to replace his regular pattern of grabbing a beer after work and instead join his wife and kids for a bike ride each evening after work. After just a few days, he reports that he no longer feels a strong urge to drink. He also notices that establishing new healthy patterns in his routine and spending quality time with his family makes him feel happy, more at ease and content.
We are all likely to experience ups and downs that come with post-pandemic re-entry. If there’s one thing we have learned over the past 15 months, it’s that we have an amazing ability to adapt. Just as we demonstrated resilience moving through the initial days of lockdown, similarly, we will adjust to what lies ahead in our post-pandemic world.
As we step into the phase of re-entry, let’s all take a deep breath and tell ourselves, “We’ve got this”.
* Name changed to protect identity.
Taslim Jaffer-Murji, M.A. (Counselling Psychology), is a Registered Psychotherapist who offers individual and couple therapy. She has a private practice in North York and also provides online counselling for clients throughout Ontario. Taslim can be reached at therapy@taslimjaffermurji.com or 647-500-3786.